Kid's Stories Part II

A kindergarden pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know the cat was dead?" she asked him. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did what?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You Know," explained the boy "I leaned over and went pssst in its ear and it didn't move."

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her father gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her; "Sweetheart, you're going to get hair on your twinkie." She replies, "Yes I know, and I'm going to get boobies too."

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and slamming the door until St. Peter says 'For Heaven's sake Dylan, come in or stay out!"

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked her with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear", she said. "I have to sleep in daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice, "The big sissy."

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress, and as she sat down the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress, is it your Easter dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my mother says it's a bitch to iron."

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room as I was preparing to get into the shower. "She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, Yes, Honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing inside her tummy." "I know," she replied, "But what's growing in your butt?"

One day a first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer. She read, "... and Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling!" The teacher then asked the class, "And what do you think the farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: "Holy shit! A talking chicken!" The teacher was unable to teach for the next ten minutes.