" I have learned to live each day as it comes,
and not to borrow trouble by dreading tomorrow.
It is the dark menace of the fture that makes cowards of us."
~Dorothy Dix
3/30/09
3/26/09
Pablo Neruda- Ode To Broken Things
I decided as of late this is probably one of my favorite poems. However, if anyone knows where to find it in Spanish so I don't have to translate it into English let me know.
Things get broken
at home
like they were pushed
by an invisible, deliberate smasher.
It's not my hands
or yours
It wasn't the girls
with their hard fingernails
or the motion of the planet.
It wasn't anything or anybody
It wasn't the wind
It wasn't the orange-colored noontime
Or night over the earth
It wasn't even the nose or the elbow
Or the hips getting bigger
or the ankle
or the air.
The plate broke, the lamp fell
All the flower pots tumbled over
one by one. That pot
which overflowed with scarlet
in the middle of October,
it got tired from all the violets
and another empty one
rolled round and round and round
all through winter
until it was only the powder
of a flowerpot,
a broken memory, shining dust.
And that clock
whose sound
was
the voice of our lives,
the secret
thread of our weeks,
which released
one by one, so many hours
for honey and silence
for so many births and jobs,
that clock also
fell
and its delicate blue guts
vibrated
among the broken glass
its wide heart
unsprung.
Life goes on grinding up
glass, wearing out clothes
making fragments
breaking down
forms
and what lasts through time
is like an island on a ship in the sea,
perishable
surrounded by dangerous fragility
by merciless waters and threats.
Let's put all our treasures together
-- the clocks, plates, cups cracked by the cold --
into a sack and carry them
to the sea
and let our possessions sink
into one alarming breaker
that sounds like a river.
May whatever breaks
be reconstructed by the sea
with the long labor of its tides.
So many useless things
which nobody broke
but which got broken anyway.
3/24/09
3/23/09
Weekly Quote 3/23 to 3/29
"A man of genius makes no mistakes.
His errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery."
~James Joyce~
His errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery."
~James Joyce~
3/20/09
3/17/09
3/16/09
Weekly Quote 3/16 to 3/22
"Whatever you want in life, other people are going to
want it too. Believe in yourself enough to accept the
idea that you have an equal right to it."
~Diane Sawyer
Why does this quote make me think of slavery?
3/15/09
Kid's Stories Part II
A kindergarden pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know the cat was dead?" she asked him. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did what?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You Know," explained the boy "I leaned over and went pssst in its ear and it didn't move."
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her father gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her; "Sweetheart, you're going to get hair on your twinkie." She replies, "Yes I know, and I'm going to get boobies too."
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and slamming the door until St. Peter says 'For Heaven's sake Dylan, come in or stay out!"
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked her with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear", she said. "I have to sleep in daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice, "The big sissy."
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress, and as she sat down the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress, is it your Easter dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my mother says it's a bitch to iron."
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room as I was preparing to get into the shower. "She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, Yes, Honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing inside her tummy." "I know," she replied, "But what's growing in your butt?"
One day a first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer. She read, "... and Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling!" The teacher then asked the class, "And what do you think the farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: "Holy shit! A talking chicken!" The teacher was unable to teach for the next ten minutes.
3/14/09
Apples and Wine
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.
The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Now men...men are like fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
3/13/09
True or False?
Which of the following are true?
2. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.
3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 years.
4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.
5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your heart!
6. Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.
7. Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
8. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.
9. The average person over 50 will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.
10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
11. The average housefly lives for one month.
12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time of day.
16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
17. The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.
18. The only two animals that can see behind themselves without turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.
19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in 'An Officer and a Gentleman' and 'Tootsie.'
20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem.
21. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.
22. Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane, just in case there is a crash.
23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle, built in 1903, used a tomato can for a carburetor.
24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth. They are used in vein transplant surgery.
25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana . They were 7th cousins.
26. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.
25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana . They were 7th cousins.
26. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.
They all are...weird
3/12/09
40 Things You'd Love to Say Out Loud at Work
1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to publicly humiliate yourself.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
7. I'm out of my mind at the moment, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here-I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I don't understand a damn word you're saying.
10. Ahhh, I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision-I just don't give a damn
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connections between your reality and mine are purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of karma to burn.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your cry-baby whiny ass opinion would be?
24. Do I look like a f'ing people person to you?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. Oh, I get it. Like humor. Only different.
32. A cubical is just a padded cell without the door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume, but must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder-my work here is finally done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to kill?
38. I though I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
40. Wait a minute- I'm just trying to imagine you with a personality.
3/11/09
3/9/09
Weekly Quote 3/9 to 3/15
"Content thyself to be obscurely good,
When vice prevails, and impious men bear sway,
the post of honor is a private station."
~Joseph Addison
3/5/09
Kid's Stories
I received this from a friend
1. While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his
mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the
man's, he said, "I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too".
2. As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing. After mulling over my answers, she remarked, "My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them".
3. Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful. "In ten years", I said, "you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now." Carolyn shrugged. "In ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway."
4. Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her needle. "No, no, no!" she screamed. "Lizzie,' scolded her mother, "that's not polite behavior." With that,
the girl yelled even louder, "No, thank you! No, thank you!"
5. My wife left the car unattended for only a minute, but it was long enough for our two-year-old to climb in, throw the car into reverse and crash into a lamppost. He was fine, but the car wasn't, and I had a hard time explaining who was behind the wheel to the insurance company. After a pause, the adjuster asked, 'Do you let him drive often?'
6. One afternoon while I was visiting my library, I noticed a group of preschoolers gathered for story time. The book they were reading was There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly. After the librarian finished the first page, she asked the children, "Do you think she'll die?'"
"Nope,' a little girl in the back said. "I saw this last night on Fear Factor."
7. My sister had been ill, so I called to see how she was doing. My ten-year-old niece answered the phone "Hello," she whispered. "Hi, honey. How's your mother?" I asked. "She's sleeping," she answered, again in a whisper. "Did she go to the doctor?" I asked. "Yes. She got some medicine," my niece said softly. "Well, don't wake her up. Just tell her I called. What are you doing, by the way?" Again in a soft whisper, she answered, "Practicing my trumpet."
8. On a brutally humid day, I walked past a miniature golf course and saw a dad following three small children from hole to hole. "Who's winning?" I shouted. "I am," said one kid. "Me," said another. "No, me," yelled the third. Sweat dripping down his face, the dad gasped, "Their mother is."
9. On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. "Dad, I know that babies come from mommies tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?" he asked innocently. After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. "You don't have to make something up, Dad. It's OK if you don't know the answer."
10. Just before I was deployed to Iraq, I sat my eight-year-old son down and
broke the news to him. "I'm going to be away for a long time," I told
him. "I'm going to Iraq" "Why?" he asked. "Don't you know there's a war
going on over there?"
11. Even though the toddler was having a furious tantrum, his mom was unfazed. "You may as well give up on the crying," I heard her say as she led him to the store exit. "You're stuck with me for 18 years."
12. Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken
with cancer, AIDS and blood diseases. One afternoon he and his wife, Joanne Woodward stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A counselor at a nearby table, suspecting the young patients wouldn't know that Newman was a famous movie star, explained, "That's the man who made this camp possible. Maybe you've seen his picture on his salad dressing bottle?" Blank stares. "Well, you've probably seen his face on his lemonade carton." An eight-year-old girl perked up. "How long was he missing?"
13. Like all growing boys, my teenage grandson, Jermon, was constantly hungry. I went to my refrigerator to find something he might like to eat. After poking around a bit and moving the milk and juice cartons, I spotted a bowl of leftover chili. "Hey, Jermon", I called out excitedly. He came running into the kitchen. "Look! I found some chili." Struggling to be polite, he said, "If you're that surprised, I'm not really sure I want it."
14. My last name is a mouthful, so when my three-year-old niece learned to spell it, I was thrilled, until my cousin burst my bubble. "You can spell Sczygelski any way you like," he pointed out. "Who's going to know if it's wrong?"
15. For the first time, my four-year-old daughter Kelsey was coming to my office to have me, a dental hygienist, clean her teeth. She was accompanied by her grand-mother. When they came in, I greeted them warmly, seated Kelsey and, as usual, put on my gloves, goggles and mask. About ten minutes into the procedure, she got scared and cried, "I want my mommy!" I quickly pulled off my mask and said, "I am your mommy." Without hesitating, my daughter yelled back, "Then I want my granny!"
mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the
man's, he said, "I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too".
2. As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing. After mulling over my answers, she remarked, "My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them".
3. Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful. "In ten years", I said, "you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now." Carolyn shrugged. "In ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway."
4. Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her needle. "No, no, no!" she screamed. "Lizzie,' scolded her mother, "that's not polite behavior." With that,
the girl yelled even louder, "No, thank you! No, thank you!"
5. My wife left the car unattended for only a minute, but it was long enough for our two-year-old to climb in, throw the car into reverse and crash into a lamppost. He was fine, but the car wasn't, and I had a hard time explaining who was behind the wheel to the insurance company. After a pause, the adjuster asked, 'Do you let him drive often?'
6. One afternoon while I was visiting my library, I noticed a group of preschoolers gathered for story time. The book they were reading was There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly. After the librarian finished the first page, she asked the children, "Do you think she'll die?'"
"Nope,' a little girl in the back said. "I saw this last night on Fear Factor."
7. My sister had been ill, so I called to see how she was doing. My ten-year-old niece answered the phone "Hello," she whispered. "Hi, honey. How's your mother?" I asked. "She's sleeping," she answered, again in a whisper. "Did she go to the doctor?" I asked. "Yes. She got some medicine," my niece said softly. "Well, don't wake her up. Just tell her I called. What are you doing, by the way?" Again in a soft whisper, she answered, "Practicing my trumpet."
8. On a brutally humid day, I walked past a miniature golf course and saw a dad following three small children from hole to hole. "Who's winning?" I shouted. "I am," said one kid. "Me," said another. "No, me," yelled the third. Sweat dripping down his face, the dad gasped, "Their mother is."
9. On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. "Dad, I know that babies come from mommies tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?" he asked innocently. After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. "You don't have to make something up, Dad. It's OK if you don't know the answer."
10. Just before I was deployed to Iraq, I sat my eight-year-old son down and
broke the news to him. "I'm going to be away for a long time," I told
him. "I'm going to Iraq" "Why?" he asked. "Don't you know there's a war
going on over there?"
11. Even though the toddler was having a furious tantrum, his mom was unfazed. "You may as well give up on the crying," I heard her say as she led him to the store exit. "You're stuck with me for 18 years."
12. Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken
with cancer, AIDS and blood diseases. One afternoon he and his wife, Joanne Woodward stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A counselor at a nearby table, suspecting the young patients wouldn't know that Newman was a famous movie star, explained, "That's the man who made this camp possible. Maybe you've seen his picture on his salad dressing bottle?" Blank stares. "Well, you've probably seen his face on his lemonade carton." An eight-year-old girl perked up. "How long was he missing?"
13. Like all growing boys, my teenage grandson, Jermon, was constantly hungry. I went to my refrigerator to find something he might like to eat. After poking around a bit and moving the milk and juice cartons, I spotted a bowl of leftover chili. "Hey, Jermon", I called out excitedly. He came running into the kitchen. "Look! I found some chili." Struggling to be polite, he said, "If you're that surprised, I'm not really sure I want it."
14. My last name is a mouthful, so when my three-year-old niece learned to spell it, I was thrilled, until my cousin burst my bubble. "You can spell Sczygelski any way you like," he pointed out. "Who's going to know if it's wrong?"
15. For the first time, my four-year-old daughter Kelsey was coming to my office to have me, a dental hygienist, clean her teeth. She was accompanied by her grand-mother. When they came in, I greeted them warmly, seated Kelsey and, as usual, put on my gloves, goggles and mask. About ten minutes into the procedure, she got scared and cried, "I want my mommy!" I quickly pulled off my mask and said, "I am your mommy." Without hesitating, my daughter yelled back, "Then I want my granny!"
3/4/09
Church Bulletins
1. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
2. The sermon this morning : 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight : 'Searching for Jesus.'
3. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
4. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
2. The sermon this morning : 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight : 'Searching for Jesus.'
3. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
4. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
5. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
6. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love.
7. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
8. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
9. Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I Will Not Pass This Way Again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
10. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
11. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
12. The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing : 'Break Forth Into Joy.'
13. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
14. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
15. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
16. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
17. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
18. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
19. Potluck supper Sunday at 5 : 00 PM - Prayer and medication to follow.
20. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
21. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
22. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S.. is done.
23. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
24. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
25. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
26. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
27. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'
6. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love.
7. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
8. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
9. Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I Will Not Pass This Way Again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
10. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
11. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
12. The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing : 'Break Forth Into Joy.'
13. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
14. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
15. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
16. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
17. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
18. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
19. Potluck supper Sunday at 5 : 00 PM - Prayer and medication to follow.
20. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
21. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
22. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S.. is done.
23. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
24. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
25. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
26. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
27. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'
3/2/09
Weekly Quote 3/2 to 3/8
"Tis distance lends enchantment to the view,
And robes the mountain in its azure hue."
~Thomas Campbell~
Anyone care to enlighten me on exactly what this means?
